We received a letter from Rebecca, 30, expressing her worries about her younger sister. She wants her sister to honor the agreement they made when her sister agreed to babysit Rebecca’s children but later changes her mind.
The two sisters made a specific agreement that they were expected to uphold.

Rebecca, who is 30, recently shared a problem with her 20-year-old sister, Anna, who is a university student. Rebecca said, “I let my sister Anna stay with us while she goes to university. We agreed she’d pay $500 each month for her expenses, utilities, and food, which I think is fair. She also helps with chores and our two kids. We even wrote down our agreement to avoid confusion.”

Rebecca added, “Shared accommodation at Anna’s school costs about $1,200 a month and is only available for 8 months. So, staying with us costs her $6,000 a year, compared to $9,600 for 8 months at school and 4 months with our mom and stepdad. This arrangement worked well for two years. She’s a hard-working student and a great person.”

There has been a noticeable strain in the relationship between the sisters.

Rebecca continued, “Recently, Anna and I had a big fight, and I think she’s wrong. Our parents are taking her side, which is frustrating. The problem started because Anna now has a serious boyfriend and wants to spend more time with him. I understand that. But she started complaining about babysitting the kids every other Saturday night so my husband and I can have a date night. This caused a big argument between us.”

Rebecca explained, “We have an agreement, and Anna is still in university, so I insisted she stick to it. I even offered to find a babysitter, but I told her she’d have to pay for it since she was supposed to watch the kids. Now Anna is mad at me, saying that paying the babysitter is taking all her money.”

Rebecca shared, “Anna got really upset when I suggested she pay for a babysitter. She felt like I was taking advantage of her. She was angry and said she’d rather live on campus next year. I calmly told her that sounded like a great idea and that I’d be happy to get my hobby room back.”

Rebecca expressed her frustration, saying, “My whole family criticized me. My parents called and said Anna shouldn’t be treated like an unpaid nanny and that siblings should support each other without expecting money. My mom even demanded that Anna live with us for free and not pay rent. Even though I explained our agreement, they didn’t change their minds.”

She continued, “When I mentioned Anna’s plan to move to campus next semester, my mom got furious and threatened to cut ties with me. When I got home, I found Anna packing her things without saying where she’d go. She said I was being unfair because it would cost her more money and take time away from her job and boyfriend. I feel torn because I thought our agreement was fair.”

We’d like to offer you some guidance.

Our suggestion is to find a compromise that works for both you and Anna. Instead of making Anna pay the full babysitting fee, you could split it evenly. Or, you could take turns watching the kids, so you both have personal time without feeling overwhelmed.

We believe that having a calm talk with Anna and finding a solution together is possible. We hope you can resolve this issue without causing more tension in your family.

It’s important to apologize to Anna for any stress the disagreement caused her. Working together to find other solutions is key. Remember, you’re family, and supporting each other is important, even in tough times. Money and childcare can be tricky topics, but it’s essential to talk about them openly.

When it comes to your family’s involvement, it’s important to let them know you want to make up with Anna and set clear boundaries. Don’t let others pressure you into actions you’re not comfortable with. Your decisions should be based on what’s best for you and Anna, not on what others think.