In today’s story, a person helped their sister for years, giving her a place to live, financial support, and emotional care without expecting anything back. But things took a turn when disappointment hit.
Here’s what happened:
My sister has been living with us on and off for the last 4 years, sometimes paying bills when she can’t afford them. I’ve been paying her phone bill for 2 years and covering groceries.
Lately, she hasn’t contributed to bills, not because she can’t, but because she says she’s only focusing on herself. She also refuses to help with small things around the house, like letting my dogs out when I’m gone or taking out the trash when it’s full.
Today, I checked my pet camera and heard her calling me a lot of mean names on the phone. It hurt because I’ve been the only family member helping her since she was 18—our mom didn’t want her after that age.
I got really angry and told her I’ve worked hard to make sure she has a place to live, even giving her one of our cars. She replied, “You’ve never taken care of me. I’ve been the only one taking care of myself.” In the heat of the moment, I told her to pack her things and leave if I do nothing for her. Now, I feel like I might be the bad guy.
People stood on her side.
- “Your sister is 22 years old, and she needs to grow up sometime. She’s been freeloading off you for four years. She can’t live her life like a perpetual teenager forever.
It’s time for her to put whatever life skills she has to the test, or she should learn some quickly, especially if she thinks to disparage someone who has provided for her for four years. Actions have consequences.
- “A lot of people are suggesting you kick her out, which I agree with. Just make sure to check on your local laws, in some places, if a person has been living someplace for long enough, whether or not they have a lease or are paying, they have tenant rights.
And she sounds like the kind of person that would be happy to turn around and sue you if you kick her out without making sure everything is being done according to the laws in your area.
- “If you feel bad about how it happened, then maybe it’s time for a sit-down. A heart-to-heart about how you are frustrated with her lack of action and assistance, that maybe you were harsh in the conversation, but it’s time for her to stand on her own two feet before it ruins your relationship. Point out she moved in at 18 — she’s had 4 years of not making progress, etc.
What did she think would happen? Stay with you indefinitely? Give her a deadline to move out, take over her own phone bill, etc.
