Figuring out how to plan a family can be hard for no apparent reason, especially when it comes to making sure that everyone’s wants and needs are met within a relationship. Recently, a woman talked about a recent event that showed how hard it can be to balance her husband’s wishes with her own limits. She wrote to the internet to get advice on how to handle this sensitive issue in her relationship after being honest about how she felt and wanting to find common ground.

Here’s what she had to say:

“Hi,

My husband (35) and I (32) have been married for three years. He recently insisted on having a baby with me, even though we had agreed not to have kids at first. I thought about it for a long time and then wrote down the things he would have to do before I would agree to get pregnant. I think it’s fair since I’m the one who has to lose the most.
These are my three conditions:

1-He has to be ready to take a break from spending time with his brother for the first three years of our child’s life. like how his brother made plans based on what his wife wanted when their own child was born. He should promise that he will share the work of caring for the kids equally and not expect me to do too much of it.

2-He has to respect my choice of how to give birth, whether it’s natural, by cesarean section, or with painkillers. During labor, it’s very important for me to feel at ease and in charge.

3-He has to agree to have a vasectomy when I get pregnant. This is because I only want one child and don’t want to use hormonal birth control.

When I told my husband about the first two conditions, he seemed to agree with them after a short thought.
But when I told him about the third one, which was about the vasectomy, he flatly refused, saying it was impossible. Even though I tried to see things from his point of view, his explanations were never clear, so I wasn’t sure what to do next. But when I kept pushing him, he finally lost it and said, “I absolutely refuse that; it’s emasculating.”

Should I not ask for so much? Ways can we work together to make a deal that’s good for both of us?

Sincerely, Julie”