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I asked my husband to hold his pee during a flight with our two kids, but he refused and I’m worried.

Traveling with young kids on a plane needs patience and planning. For the woman in this story, a simple flight turned into a nightmare.

Here’s her story:

My husband and I took a 3.5-hour flight with our 3-month-old baby and 2.5-year-old toddler. We couldn’t get seats together, so I was in the middle aisle with the baby, and he was across the aisle with the toddler.

About an hour into the flight, my husband got up to pee while I was nursing the baby. As soon as he left, the toddler crawled over to me. I tried to get the toddler to sit on my lap, but he made the baby stop eating and cry. I was trying to hold both kids without bothering the people next to me. My husband got stuck behind the beverage cart and couldn’t help for 20 minutes.

Later, my husband got up to pee again while I was feeding the baby. The same thing happened, with the baby crying and the toddler on my lap.

 

My husband pees a lot. I talked to a pelvic floor therapist, who said he should see a therapist to avoid future issues. He says he doesn’t need help and drinks a lot of water. At work, he can go hours without peeing when he’s busy, so he can hold it. He has never had an accident. He also saw a urologist this year who ruled out prostate and cancer issues.

After the flight, I told my husband how hard it was to take care of both boys and asked if he could just hold his pee. I often have to hold my pee when I’m watching the boys until a better time. He said he can’t.

Then, I asked if he could ask me before he goes to pee, and go when the baby isn’t nursing, so I have both hands free. He said no, and that he should be able to pee when he needs to.

We have a full summer of flying ahead, including some international trips, and I’m worried.

P.S.: He gets annual check-ups and is very healthy. No diabetes and all tests are normal. He runs ultra-marathons and has never peed on himself during a long run.

People stood on her side.

  • “You were both in a difficult situation, but it sounds like the labor was not divided evenly and the consequences weren’t either — he got his needs met, while you didn’t, and left with all of the parental labor in your moments of highest overwhelm, while you’re nursing. If he’s unable to hold his pee for a few minutes, he needs a doctor. If he refuses a doctor and continues to WILLINGLY put you in this situation, he’s a jerk.

 

  • “I just did a 5-hour flight and brought my toddler with me to the tiny plane bathrooms, did it suck, yup. But what other choice did I have? He can bring a toddler with him. Problem temporarily solved.

 

  • “Every time he goes to the bathroom, wait until he gets back and then go to the bathroom yourself. This means he gets his needs met as he needs to pee so urgently and you get your needs met by having 10 minutes to breathe after having the stress of managing both.”

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